Blogging It

I spent the whole day reading blogs, maybe because it was really cold outside, or maybe because I couldn't think of anything better to do. I should have probably done a little work in the yard, or maybe some work towards figuring out some of the details of the shop, but I'm really forcing myself to balance "doing" with "absorbing".

I did manage a really nice walk with our dog, Betty Crocker. (We named her Betty first, then made the realization that her name would also be Crocker. Honestly!) We went down a bunch of unknown and cool hills on purpose so we could get some good uphill action on the way back. I told her when we walked behind the Cafe Lladro on California that "this is where the people who go to Cafe Lladro live". She was unamused, more excited about the new smells.

The blog I completely absorbed myself in was about Criollo Bakery in Portland, http://forums.egullet.org/index.php?showtopic=40758 I read and read clicking on as many links as I could without losing the story. The story was heartwarming and it really hit me how much work this is going to be. I know how I get with wanting to do everything, never able to say "no" to any of my ideas. How I want to have my cake and eat it too. Always. But I have to be strong. This new bakery venture is going to be different than before. I have made a promise to my husband. It is very important to keep our life in perspective with our careers. Sure in my life those two overlap, but in the past three years the bakery has been the only thing that has gotten my energy, and it has gotten all of it. Exercising, eating healthy, and spending time with my husband are very important to me. So I've got to spend some time making sure I do my planning, and start imagining some rules to live by when I'm in bakery triage. I've got to know when to cut something out to save my sanity. I was thinking about all these things while I read about Criollo.

I finished the thread and immediately wrote to the pastry chef, hoping to get a few good words of encouragement with my upcoming adventure. A few hours later, following another thread, I learned that Criollo was CLOSED! This was a huge surprise. My husband got a look of fear in his face. The reality of owning a bakery, which we have known all along to be the riskiest venture we would ever undertake, and which is why we've had such a hard time coming to grips with how much $$ is at stake, set in real hard. I had been thinking, "she worked 120 hour weeks, I'm going to be smarter." Now I'm thinking, "she worked 120 hour weeks and it wasn't ENOUGH."

I know in my heart that she worked herself into the ground. I know how hard it is to find good help, and hard it is to continue to pay people when you could do the same job in way less time. I know how expensive running a bakery is, and I've been spending as little money as possible. I know I run that risk of running myself into the ground. These moments of anticipation are tough, the next step is HUGE, but a little reality check, even though it might make the fear grow momentarily, helps to put it all in perspective, and as a result I've been putting a lot of thought into how the bakery fits into my life rather than how the bakery takes over my life.

Oh, and those hills, they are getting easier.