And then there are Mondays

So first thing Monday morning started with a discovery that the croissants had not been put into the fridge to proof. So began the mad dash to warm them up and get them ready for the ovens.

And then there was the discovery that the whole wheat flour had gone bad. Luckily, we take steps to check out all of our ingredients before baking with them.

After that there was an entire tray of brioche cinnamon rolls that slid off the rack and onto the floor. Which means we have to make more sooner rather than later.

Then the coffee grinder crapped out and we found a green piece of plastic in it. Meanwhile, the grease trap started overflowing again, and then trying to address that, the shelf near the dish pit fell off the wall.

And we had just moments earlier as a group agreed we were grumpy.

But funny how through all the grumpiness, we pulled together, as if in a mini-war zone, and were able to serve coffee with our chins up, get the dishes done in the mop sink, and then slowly pull everything back together, put a little bit of tape over our wounds, and carry on through the rest of the day.

I'm very proud of my staff today.

Salvation in Bread

Those of you who know me know that I have this thing, this little diatribe I do that Jesus must have been a loaf of bread. Literally. I make that point very emphatically, to the point of annoying people at dinner parties.

It's just too easy a comparison to think about how when you make bread, you let it rise (on the cross) until doubled, "punch it down" (or watch it die), and then let it rise again (resurrect).

And lest we forget the miracle of the loaves and fishes? When good bread is made, a small portion of the dough is left behind as a "starter" for the next loaves of bread. Thusly, thousands of people can be fed from just one loaf.

But what happened on Friday was a different type of salvation.

After being a bit blue on Thursday, fending off angry customers and encroaching competition, I decided to make chili which meant cornbread. But not just any cornbread. I was thinking I wanted to make Sourdough Cornbread. So I turned to my favorite girl on the internet. I knew she'd have it and sure enough, there it was.

We're talking all of the cornbread fun without all the sweetness. It was dense like a good loaf of country sourdough, but meatier. I had 4 (maybe 5) slices with some good butter and kosher salt. I had another two slices the next day with butter and a spoon of Boat Street Pickled Plums.

Everything about my grumpy Thursday dissolved away in the creamy substance of this bread.

So whether or not Jesus or bread is my ultimate salvation is anybody's guess. I just know making something I like saves the day.

Who we want to be?

Everybody needs goals. Perhaps it’s a great way to be as a baker since if you know where you want to end up, it’s just a few quick steps to get there.

After being open four and a half years, mostly being in survival mode, it has become clear that we need to take a step back. Things have started to run more smoothly. The staff has taken charge of the bakery, and they now know instinctively what to do. We’d like to move the bakery to the next level, which is going to be a big shift in how we handle our daily tasks. I’d like to build better partnerships with my suppliers. In fact, I’d like to find better suppliers, and not rely so heavily of large box vendors where I don’t have a real person to deal with. There are going to be struggles. There are going to be inconsistencies, there are going to be days when we don’t have strawberries, but I am dedicated to bringing in the best quality ingredients to the shop, taking full advantage of the bounty that we have in the Pacific Northwest. Seizing the moment so to speak. Life is too short for the same old mediocre stuff every day.

The other goal I have is to grow the business, and perhaps open another retail entity. Unfortunately, we aren’t going to be able to stay at our current location forever, so it’s time to broaden our horizons. I have been taking some time to look deep into my heart and find my passion. Sure, I love food and I love pastries. But now that I’ve successfully opened a bakery, what do I really want to give back to the world? With strength, focus, and determination, I feel ready to take on the challenges of moving forward, no matter which direction the future takes me to.

Choosing your family

My cousin once told me that you can choose your family. At first I thought she meant as a baby you could choose which birth canal to shoot out of. Of course I soon realized she really meant that you can choose how much you want to interact with the family you are born into. That you do have control of the situation. That it's not just family, some moral obligatory obligation you have no choice but to accept the demands of.

I think a lot about what my cousin said every time my mom would get us involved in a wacky situation. I used to think about this every time I had to call my mom back, knowing full well that I was in for two hours of her blabbing on to get things off her chest, saying things like, "it helps me to talk about it". I thought about this when my brother went missing for a few years while he sorted out some things in his life. But now my mother is gone and my family is different. I still have my brother and my dad yes, but things are just not the same. I think it might be time for me to make some choices, to choose a new family. It is not that I do not want my brother and my dad in my family, it is just that without my mother, my dad, brother and I are a different family. It's just that we are all adjusting to the new situation at different rates. We have to be patient with each other.

So lately I have been investing a lot of energy in my family at work. I spend a lot of time thinking about my employees, their lives, hopes, dreams, and such. I invite them to dinner. I go to parties at their houses. I go for drinks with them. I support them when they need me by giving them days off when they need them. I ask them about their lives a lot. We laugh a lot. I no longer feel as compelled to fall into the destructive behaviors where I criticize them and make them feel stupid for doing something wrong. But i do still do that a little bit, and I feel terrible afterwards. I wish I could tell them the right thing to do more often. That would make me feel good.

And I've also been investing energy in my family at home. I've been cooking a lot, taking naps with the dog a lot even though I know she would prefer a walk. I bath my older cat because he's too old to do it himself anymore. I try to lure my crazy cat out from under the bed for a quick game of fetch. I try to be nicer to my husband and not take him for granted.

For right now, without my mother, these are the families I choose. I am sure, because family was so important to her, that she would be proud that I my family is growing.